Okay, I lied. I can only really guarantee the swearing part. AND THE CAPS LOCK.
This is the part where I would usually apologise for my absence and prattle on about how much of an asshole I am for neglecting my blog, but I decided that I’m not going to do that this time. I’m pretty sure all you mad cats won’t die without your daily dose of my crass ramblings. Also, I have a perfectly valid excuse this time. Work has been a GIANT DONKEY DICK. It’s to be expected. I’m subject to an internal audit every year at this time of year, but just because you know someone is about to punch you in the ass cheek doesn’t make it hurt any less, right? So screw your reports and your reconciliations. I’M GOING ON STRIKE.
(at least for the remainder of my lunch break…)
I need a vacation. Maybe here? Sound’s like a tootin’ good time.
I have some stuff still swatched and ready to post (like the last of the China Glaze Christmas Stuff), but seriously I get home at night, dump my ass on the couch and do sweet FA. I’ve cut the majority of sugar out of my diet, so now bludging is really all I have to look forward to. I’m sure I’ll get back into the swing of things soon though. My nails look like crap. They’re broken, uneven, manky and horrible. Not to mention growing SLOWLY. Trust me, you don’t want swatches now. Not if you like keeping your food down.
I’m feeling an odd, disconcerting mixture of overwhelmed and underwhelmed by new nail polish at the moment. Overwhelmed with the quantity and trying to keep up and underwhelmed with the actual stuff. Then I remember that I like old crap and I feel better. But then I think that ten years from now THIS stuff will be old stuff and then I get all confused and the universe explodes.
Is it just me, or are OPI unable to do anything lately that ISN’T a promotional what-not with some celeb? Katy Perry, Serena Williams, that frilly little Bieber kid… is this their new direction? Celebrity pimpage? For shame OPI. FOR SHAME. I think I want Suzi and her reds back.
STUPID WOMAN, THAT IS A WATERMELON, NOT A PHONE.
But after wading through the trash, there are some things that have piqued my interest. Let us vist them now.
Wonder Woman for MAC.
It’s like they stole this collection FROM MY BRAIN. Coloured Mascaras! Brushes in utility belts! RUSSIAN F*CKING RED IN A WONDER WOMAN TUBEAAAAAAHHHMMMMAAAGAAHH. If I’m lucky, I should be able to get out of this whole Wonder Woman MAC mess for around $200. I HOPE.
Okay, yes the names are gross, but you love it don’t you. Dirty girl. Probably yet another collection that I’ll need a mule for because even though they sell Illamasqua here, it costs a bajillion dollars to buy anything. So, of course I’m in love with the Throb polish, but the Succubus gloss!! Faaaaaaaahrrrout. I’ll take a billion.
Hourglass Extreme Sheen Lipgloss in Siren
Mother effer. I missed out on Kat Von D Adora, and although I am still bummed about that (I NEED IT… SHE-RA!!), I think Siren is even BETTER. Seriously! Is this for real?! Look how foily and christmassy it is! WHY WON’T THEY SHIP TO ME!?
Umm, If I can’t get my grubby mitts on AT LEAST Euro Green and Limoncello I think I might need to brain someone with my shoe. What am I rambling about? See here.
Wow, that’s not a bad little list there. There is a recurring theme though. I CAN’T GET ANY OF THAT HERE. I think I might need to just bite the bullet and rent myself a US PO Box and pay for freight forwarding. I wonder how much on shipping that would actually save me?
How nice are the new Essie bottles? I likey. I also likey that colour A LOT. Unrelated, but I also wonder when Cherry Culture is going to get the Milani Glitters? I still don’t have them and I feel that’s worth bitching about. (SHITBALLS. The answer to that question is RIGHT NOW and I’M BROKE. Save some for me you glitter hoarding bishes!)