So after a long hiatus, a hacker attack and a host migration, Pretty Random is officially back. Technically, I’ve been able to write this post for a couple of weeks now, but I’ve been unsure how to start the ball rolling again. I haven’t been swatching (bad kaz), I am so behind on releases, salon and indie alike (bad kaz) and I don’t really feel I have anything constructive to offer the nail community right now in terms of blogging (sad kaz).
But this morning, I kind of realised none of that mattered.
I saw this pin on pinterest this morning (I pin! Follow me!) and for all it’s simplicity and lack of big words and explanations it really struck a chord with me. It made me realise that… well… I’m kind of an asshole.
I like to think that I am kind, that I am a good person, but I’m starting to wonder if that is true. Kindness, true kindness is unconditional. And all the while I have been trying to be a good person, I have subconsciously placing demands on the persons I am being kind to, expecting them to be the same. I think that’s where I am seriously falling short with this whole kindness thing. It really doesn’t matter if you get what you give. If people aren’t in the right place in their lives to give kindness back to you that shouldn’t stop you at all from continuing to be kind.
We live so much of our lives worrying about how other perceive us. What they think about us. What they say about us when we’re not there. We get upset over the way we perceive their actions, without really knowing anything at all. The only person we are really hurting is ourselves. Stop it! You control that, you know? You wouldn’t deliberately smash your knee with a brick over and over would you? No, of course not. That’s silly. Why do we smash our emotions over and over with giant bricks too?
Many times while out in public I have wanted to compliment someone but been too scared to do it. What if that girl thinks I am a weirdo when I tell her I love her hair? What if that guy thinks I am trying to hit on him when I tell him his shirt is awesome. Stop it, Kaz. Who the fuck cares?! You might just make their day as well. Somewhere, that’s gotta start being more important, because even if cool hair girl turns around and tells me to “fuck off loser”, it’s ME that gets upset by that. It’s ME that gives her power to upset me. I am the one smashing the brick into my knee. IT’S ALL ME.
In around three months, I’m going to bring a child into this world (woohoo babby is formed!) and I want her to grow up knowing the rewards of true, unconditional love and kindness. I want her to know that it’s perfectly okay to give and not receive. That doesn’t make her less of a person, in fact it makes her more of one.
From now on, I’m going to try and make my kindness purely about just being kind, not about other people being kind back.