Sorry guys, no nails or beauty products in this one, although there will be a nail post later this afternoon. First though, I wanted to get something off my chest. I’ve done motivational posts in the past about Never Underestimating The Effect of Kindness, Making an Effort to Care and even Where I Want To Be in a Year (and FYI, I’m still struggling with that jump, but that’s kinda what this post is about).

My brain is buzzing at the moment. It’s almost sensory overload and if I were to try and pinpoint a source, it would have to be a post by Julien Smith about How to Tell if You’re Doing Your Life’s Work, which I can honestly tell you – I am not. Julien’s entries always seem to resonate with me. Always highly motivational, yet not condescending in any way. I took the time to read back over his last fifteen or so entries and there was something for me to take away from every one of them. But the one that has stuck with me the most out of all of them is The Short and Sweet Guide to Being Fucking Awesome.

Honestly, after reading that this morning I feel like I should be standing with my sword aloft, shouting “For the Honour of Greyskull” and charging into battle. I’m pumped. My head is swimming with ideas. I feel it’s time to let go of some misconceptions and lies that I’ve been telling myself about my life and my path and just be “fucking awesome”.

The worst lie of all is one that I have been repeating constantly as my 29th birthday screeches toward me at breakneck pace.

It’s too late.

What a load of bullshit. Apart from being a Teen Popstar or a baby model there isn’t one thing that I can think of that it’s “too late” for at this stage in my life. Honestly. ANYTHING I can think of, I can be. Not only can I be it, but I also have the capacity to be FUCKING AWESOME at it. I might fail too and be fucking crap at it, but hey, at least then I will know and I won’t be sitting around in my twilight years (with Emma – yelling at kids to get off the lawn) with a mind full of regrets and what ifs. I want to be sitting around with the people that I love telling “Remember When…” stories. Not “We totally should have…” stories.

I want to say “I did”. I want to be proud of my accomplishments. I want to live a fucking awesome life and the only person stopping me from doing that is me. Plain and simple. I am my own worst enemy and I know I set my own limitations. I worry about failure. I worry about what people think. I’m too scared to just “go for it”. Why is that? Basically it’s because I’m worried I’ll fail. And why does that failure matter? Because I am worried that everyone around me will judge me for my failure.

One of the things I took away from Julien’s blog posts today is that I shouldn’t give a fuck what people think. Of course, not to the point of being a belligerent asshole about what I plan to do with my life, but I really shouldn’t worry about anyone passing judgement. If I try something and fail, at least I tried. But there’s a strong possibility that I might succeed too – and what if I miss out on that opportunity through fear?

Currently, I work in an office environment. I don’t hate it and it pays okay, but I have a million other things in my head that I want to do with my life. I want to write a book or three. I want to learn how to do Special FX makeup. I want to have kids and be a totally kickass mother. I want to make a B-Movie. I want to design my own nail polish line. I want to get into Sarah Connor Terminator 2 shape (THOSE GUNS!). I want to work as a counsellor. I’d really love to teach English in Japan. That’s just a few things.

And the beauty of it is that there isn’t one thing on that list that is impossible. Not one. Hard, yes. But not impossible. So why aren’t I doing these things? Plain and simple, it’s fucking debilitating, paralyzing fear of failure. So I tell myself that it’s too late so I can write these things off as missed opportunites. But the boat hasn’t sailed yet. And it won’t leave without me. IT’S WAITING FOR ME.

I guess the core of it is I’m scared that if I fail you’ll all hate me. And when I say it out loud like that, how freaking stupid does that sound?

I know that every single person that is reading this has dreams and goals. What I’m trying to say is don’t give up on them. Don’t tell yourself that it’s too late because it truly isn’t. Your boat is still waiting for you. Don’t fear failure. Other people’s opinions of it don’t mean squat and you should be proud that you tried. The sad reality of the world we live in is that people will always try and belittle your accomplishments to make themselves feel more important.

Stop caring about them. They don’t care about you.

EDIT: Just thought I’d let you all know that I just enrolled in a special fx makeup workshop that starts two weeks from now. Terrified that I’ll be bad at it, but oh so excited at the same time.